Catstrology · week of 21 April

Your cat is a Scorpio
and it shows.

Twelve signs. Twelve weekly readings. One ongoing investigation into why the Gemini keeps launching himself at the ceiling fan.

This is not real astrology. It is worse. It is better. It is just-specific-enough to feel haunted by.

This week's chart

An alert cat with very big eyes

"The moon enters the third bowl. Expect yeowling at 4:02am. Do not resist."

— Dr. M. Purrkins, Resident Astrologer

Subject: Scorpio

How this works

Pick your cat's sign. Get the reading.

Based on the birthdate you wish you had asked the shelter about. If you adopted and don't know, we recommend picking the sign that feels correct. You are likely to be right.

Reading · Week of 21 April

This week in Scorpio

The 3am zoomies are prophetic this week. Sprint diagonally through the living room at unsustainable speed. Announce nothing.

Click another sign to get that reading. We'll wait.

About the practitioner

Dr. M. Purrkins, loosely.

Does not have a doctorate. Has read a concerning number of astrology books. Owns three cats named after minor Victorian novelists. Lives in Oakland.

Every Sunday evening, she publishes the twelve readings for the coming week. Every Monday morning at 9:14am, four of them come true. This ratio has been remarkably consistent.

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Dr. Purrkins' cat, Barnaby Trollope
Barnaby Trollope
Eliot Eliot
Thackeray the 2nd

Archive

Previously, in the stars.

Week of 14 April

Mercury in retro-grooming.

When your cat begins washing their face excessively, a letter is on its way. Likely from the vet. Likely about their weight.

Read all twelve readings →

Week of 7 April

The Venus-in-vacuum-cleaner week.

A tough week for Cancer, Virgo, and Capricorn. The vacuum is coming out on a Thursday. Prepare accordingly.

Read all twelve readings →

Week of 31 March

Sun square sunbeam.

All twelve signs will nap in the same 6-inch patch of sun this week. This is called a syzygy. It is extremely rare and lasts approximately 11 minutes.

Read all twelve readings →

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